*Meaningless now*

Hey I know its been long since I update but lappy taken away by parents. Haix so have no time to update. Actually in better words no opportunities to update. I am here to update on the day before school starts. Well let me just say this week has been rough. Really really rough. My emotions are even harder now to control and my hands are shivering while typing this. Body is weak and I been smoking alot now. Dang ciggies. Now I have no ciggs so cant smoke. FCUK. GOSH. Now I know what those smokers feel like when they stress and never smoke. Dang. Haix. Anyways like I said this week has been rough. Want to know why? I let you know why.

First of all my bill went sky high. Yes. It reach an unexpected 3 digit number that I dont know how it can get that high. Oh well I know why. SMS and late night calls. Now, I have no idea how am I going to pay for that fucking bill that is staring at me. I know how. Method one, save up. Do nt eat at school. Unneccessary anyway. Food are for losers.Second get a job. FAST! Have no idea how But I will manage.

Second of all my family is a wreck. Just yesterday my dad,mum, two of my uncle went haywire at the house. Literally. All those words came out from her. Accusing our family and sort. When I was watching my reality show. America next top model. I turn off the TV and went inside crying and cover my ears with my pillow. Texting my friend and they console me. Usually when time like this. I will text him. But...

Then comes problem number 3.

I have no idea where he is and how is he. I have not been speaking with him for 3 days today. The last time was on Thursday and it was on the phone when I announce to him his results after I messed up and locked his account because I gave him the wrong passowrd. That was the last time. GOSH, only god knows how much I miss him and how much I am suffering on his absence. I guess he is showing me something. Haix. I dont know. Just on my birthday he said this and that. He said his confessions. And now, maybe just maybe he is taking it all back. I text, call and ask every single person he is close with on his whereabouts, no go. He went MIA. Where are you?? I been awake for the past few nights and even I fell asleep, I have nightmares that scares me half to death and I always wake up crying because the dream was so real. So vivid. So there. You have no idea. I dont kn ow if you are reading this but if you are please. You are making me suffer. The silence is killing me. If you want to take back all your words, say it to my face. No hiding. You should know me well enough that I had questions left unanswered. I hate those nightmares that come to me at night when my eyes are close. They are so real. Never one morning after you disappeared, I woke up without crying. Never one night I cried myself to sleep.

Now school starts maybe its the only way I can see you. Make sure you are okay. If you want take back all your words, say it to me personally. DOnt hide things. It only make it worse. You said it yourself. Never hide things. Say what is in our hearts. DAMMIT! Where are you. How are you? Are you ok? Are you hurt? I dont know.

Life teaches me something. It is never fair and it will pull you down. But dont forget ALLAH. He will always guide you and give you the strength to life. Make you stronger. Ya Allah.

Things will be awkward tomorrow. I have no idea how to face you.